The TRUE Story of Hansel and Gretel

Once upon a time on a cool afternoon, two children who went by the names of Hansel and Gretel wandered through the woods carelessly in search of a good time.  After they were deep in to the trees, they began to get hungry, but could not find their way back to their father's house.  Instead of calling for help or searching for the correct path, Hansel and Gretel continued deeper and deeper into the woods until they came across a beautiful house made solely of candy.

 Being the greedy children that they were, the siblings made their way over to this sugar-coated house and began to pig out.  "Hansel, let's see which of us can tear this house apart the fastest," said Gretel.  Hansel was horrible at turning down a bet, so he immediately removed a large chunk from the house's chocolate roof.  As he began to chew on it, he heard a noise.  Listening more closely, the children were able to make it out to be a woman's voice.  "Nibble, nibble, little mouse.  Who is nibbling at my house?"  Laughing at the woman's raspy voice, Gretel replied, "It's the wind, the wind, the heavenly child."

After Gretel had finished poking fun at heaven, the woman of the house could not tolerate these children's behaviors any longer. Grabbing onto her walker, the old lady struggled her way outside to see what was going on. When the wrinkly, hunchbacked woman finally got to the door and opened it, she was the two kids who had been eating her house. "My dear children," said the elderly lady, "have you been left in the woods to starve? Is that why you are nibbling at my house?" Before Hansel had a chance to say something stupid, Gretel jumped at the opportunity to get a free meal from the poor, old woman. "Yes, sweet old lady," said Gretel with fake tears in her eyes, "our father has abandoned us and we have not eaten in days. Please help us. I beg you!"

Being the caring woman that she was, she did not hesitate to invite Hansel and Gretl into her home.  After struggling to get a nice fire started for the children, the charitable lady began to slave over the stove.  She cooked the two ungrateful children a wonderful meal of milk, pancakes, apples, sugar, and nuts.  After the children had eaten, the sickly, old woman showed them to her bed.  After she had tucked them in, she went to sleep on the couch in her living room.  Like most elderly people, this woman did not have the best sense of hearing, so as soon as she had fallen into a deep sleep, the two children crept out of bed to rummage through her belongings.

 As Hansel dug in the old lady's bedroom, Gretel found a jewelry box full of pearls and stones in the bathroom.  "Hansel, come here!  You have got to see this!"  When Hansel came into the other room and saw the jewels, his eyes lit up.  "Dear sister, do you know what this means?" asked Hansel.  "Why, yes, brother.  It means that we have to get rid of that old woman in the living room."  So, as the two crept back into the bed, they made a plot to kill the caring old woman.

 Bright and early the next morning, the woman awoke and got dressed for the day.  She immediately remembered the starving children and began to slave over the stove for them, once again.  The old lady wanted to bake cookies for the children, but she was having difficulties with her back and could not bend over far enough to place the dough into the oven.  "Gretel, sweetheart, would you please do your elder a favor and place this on the top rack in the oven?"  Gretel, still thinking about the jewels, said, "You stupid old lady, who do you think I am?  I am not your slave!  Why don't you just put it into the oven yourself?"

 Feeling bad about asking for the girl's help, the old woman bent over and began to slide the tray into the oven.  Before the pan was halfway in, Handsel and Gretel came from behind and pushed the woman into the oven with all of their might.  The lady shrieked and screamed, but there were no neighbors near enough to hear her cries.  After the two children were sure that they had killed the woman, they gathered all of her jewels and hurried into the woods to find their way home.

 The old lady had been very nice to the two children, despite the fact that she was raised to be a witch.  As a child, the woman was taught witchcraft by her mother, but she chose not to use her powers for anything bad or evil.  When Hansel and Gretel happily returned to their home, they were unaware that they had just murdered a witch.  Unfortunate for them, whena person kills a witch, that person is cursed for life.  From teh time of teh murder forward, every time the children as much as thought about taking a bite of candy, they were cursed with a horrible stomach ache.  Now, when the children think about doing something mean or harmful, they remember their day at the candy house and the curse stops them in their tracks.

The End

-By Chelsea Lassere 11/05/08